Today, we’re going to talk about commitments and I want to share with you one of the best lessons I ever had about commitment. This happened on my wedding day, but it wasn’t like a big grandiose speech given by my priest during the ceremony. This happened at the back of the church moments before I ever walked down the aisle and I want to share that with you today.
I am Stacy Rocklein and I help people turn toward self love as the key to unlocking the ability to receive love in their lives. Whether that is in their relationships or the business world or their health. In order to receive love, we have to feel that we’re worthy of love.
All right, let’s talk commitment. So let me give you the setup. It’s my wedding day. I’m in the back of the church. I’m ready to walk down the aisle. The place is packed full of people, friends and family, my husband, my new in-laws…The music is playing. We’re about ready to send bridesmaids walking down.
And I am sick. I am so nervous that I am looking around for somewhere to throw up. And that’s really out of character for me. I don’t usually get that kind of nervous and so I’m having this reaction and my mom is there with me and my mom says to me this. She says, “Stacy, I want you to know that you can back out of this right now if you want to. It doesn’t matter how many people are out there. It doesn’t matter how much money we’ve spent. You can change your mind right now.”
And that was such a gift because it taught me three things and I want to share these with you today.
The first thing it taught me was…In that moment, I remembered that this is a big decision. It’s easy sometimes to get caught in the right now moment and not realize what you’re fully committing to. So you can get married because you want to have a wedding, but getting married is about a marriage. That’s about a long-term commitment to somebody.
And you can take a job because that corner office looks awesome, but what you’re really committing to is a position and all the things that go with that. And you can commit to having a baby and it feels like it’s about being pregnant and having a baby, but it’s not. It’s about raising somebody from child into adulthood and long afterwards being a part of their life. So in that moment, “Oh yeah, this is not about this wedding, this is about my marriage.” Am I down for that? And the answer was, hell yes. Totally.
The next thing it reminded me was that it’s not about the people. It’s not about everybody out there who would be disappointed. It’s not any of those factors. It’s about me. What’s in my heart? When I’m going to make a commitment to something, what am I feeling in my heart? And look at that freedom that she gave me. That liberation from people-pleasing was that it doesn’t matter, none of this matters. And she’s the one writing the checks, right? To give me that gift of “do it for you” was beautiful. And right then in that moment what was in my heart? I definitely wanted to be there.
And the last thing that I learned from it, which I think is so huge, is that you have the right to change your mind at any moment and that’s most of the time true. No matter what the decision, even if the decision is huge, right? It’s a major commitment. You can change your mind. We think of decisions as one and done. We’re like, okay, I decided to get married and I never think about it again. I decided to commit to this job and I never think about it again. But what happens is we become over time, maybe resentful and maybe we feel stuck because we feel like, oh well I decided and now I’m here.
But here’s the thing. You can change your mind at any moment. I’m not saying there aren’t consequences to changing your mind and I’m not saying that you aren’t going to disappoint people. When you change your mind, that is all a possibility and that’s painful to do. It’s painful to disappoint people and have to help them through that. But if it’s in your heart, it’s so important to follow that.
We start to think about our decisions as a daily thing. It’s empowering, right? If you wake up every single day and you ask yourself about your relationship, “Do I want to be in this relationship today?” And the answer is yes? Then you’re empowered. But if you feel like, “I decided a long time ago to move in with that guy, and so now I’m kind of stuck.” You feel stuck, right?
So you can change your mind at anytime, at any moment, if it’s in your heart to change it. And it was just such a beautiful, beautiful gift that she gave me and the lesson has stayed with me for my entire life. Because I’ve had to do other things, you know? Sometimes you have to quit a job you committed to. Sometimes you quit a career you committed to. I’ve been there. But if you think about it, if you have the right to change your mind, suddenly your life is yours again.
So I wanted to share that with you and I want to give you that gift that she gave me so many years ago. When you’re about to make a commitment or if you’re on the precipice right now of making a big commitment…Is it about the right now that sounds good or the longterm? Can you be down for the long term? And stripping away everybody else from it, taking away all the disappointment factor of who’s going to be disappointed if you make this choice or that choice, what is in your heart? Let that guide you.
And if you’re just feeling stuck, wherever it is, stuck in a situation, ask yourself that question. “Do I want to change my mind about this?” It might have consequences, of course. Do I want to change my mind? And if you don’t want to change your mind and you want to choose this, then own your choice. Feel empowered by it. Be in that choice fully.
That’s what I have to offer you today. Those are the questions I invite you to ask yourself. That’s the gift I want to give you, and if you know somebody else who needs this same gift of thinking about commitment in a slightly different way than we are kind of traditionally taught, please share this with them. It might really change how they’re feeling. It might change their lives. Thank you for watching and I will see you next time.