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    On September 3rd, 2019 by Stacy

    Crystal Clear

    Posted In:
    blog | Growth

    Happy birthday to me!
    If you’ve known me for a while, you know I always choose a birthday word. September 13 is almost here, so it’s time to choose what will guide me on my forty-seventh trip around the sun.

    “Clarity” has risen to the top. I don’t often pause for clarity. I like to set fast goals and start sprinting. That important phase where you stop and get crystal clear before you start moving? I like to skip that one. I’m more likely to adjust on the fly. But then I’m constantly making adjustments and sometimes end up giving up altogether because I didn’t get clear before I got started. This happens both in my personal life as well as in my business.

    Recently, I went to a workshop and the leader, Chad Thibodeaux, said that clarity leads to confidence. He was talking about business and I could totally see where lack of clarity caused me to be ineffective, but I also started pondering that concept in other areas. Let’s just look at it in terms of relationships since that is largely what my clients are working on.

    What happens when you have clarity about the commitment level of a relationship? It makes you confident. Think about it. When you haven’t said “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” yet, you are a little hesitant about where you stand with the other person. Massive difference when you compare that to the confidence you have when you’ve stood in front of loved ones and said “I do.”

    Here’s another example. When your partner struggles to communicate their thoughts, feelings, and intentions with you, it makes you doubt. It causes uncertainty, the opposite of confidence. Are they happy? Do they love you? Is this real? On the flip side, when everything is made crystal clear, you feel confident about the relationship and the direction you’re headed.

    It’s all about clarity.
    I want all kinds of clarity. I want clarity on who I am. I want clarity on what I want in my relationships. I want clarity in my communication. I want clarity about where I’m headed with my business. The list goes on and on. But what’s the plan?

    I’m going to pay really close attention to the moments when I don’t have clarity. They come in two forms for me.

    Lack of clarity can feel like confusion or doubt.
    As a pretty decisive girl, I think of “I don’t know” as a cop-out so I always ask myself, “If you did know, what would the answer be?” I thought this helped me get at my intuition but now I’m wondering if I force an answer too soon before I am clear on the direction. Maybe “I don’t know” is a good time to pause instead of push.

    I also have this internal buzzing that happens when I’m trying to move too fast toward something. It’s urgency I can actually feel in my body and it’s usually a sign that I’ve skipped the clarity step. When I think about why I do that, it’s probably fear that asking the hard questions will slow me down. But if I’m honest, chasing things too fast has wasted more time in the long run.

    Clarity, on the other hand, feels calming to me.
    It still has that delightful motivated productive aspect to it but without the frenzy or uncertainty.

    I don’t know how other people use their birthday word (or New Year’s word), but I use mine as a guide. I refer to it when a question arises or when I don’t know what to do. Last year, my word “listen” reminded me to invite answers to come to me and to allow other people space to make decisions.

    My intention this year is that I’ll be reminded to pause in moments of question, confusion, self-doubt, or impatience and determine with “clarity” what I want and where I’m headed. I’m hopeful it will help me eliminate the dead ends and keep me laser-focused on my desires. In fact, I don’t think it’s going to slow me down at all. I’m planning to crush it this year.

    ***Lack of clarity is the root of so many relationship challenges my clients face. If you are struggling with it, I’m just a direct message or email away for support.

    Let's connect! You can find me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. For resources and inspiration delivered right to your inbox sign up for Love Even Though, my biweekly newsletter.

    On March 27th, 2019 by Stacy

    Five Signs Your Past is Affecting Your Happiness Today

    Posted In:
    blog | Growth

    We all want to feel like survivors of the bad stuff that’s happened to us. Since we're here, I guess we are survivors. However, surviving and thriving are pretty different. Even though you might want to put your head in the air, straight arm the past, and never look back, the past has sneaky ways of keeping you from all the goodness life is waiting to deliver. Here are some of the ways it might be showing up in your daily life.

    You are repeating patterns.
    Even though it feels like you’ve moved on, you somehow end up in the same kinds of relationships or find yourself experiencing the same types of circumstances and situations. That’s a sure sign that you have some unresolved business to deal with. It’s why people find themselves in codependent relationships over and over or in jobs they hate again and again or in the same kinds of conflicts with people time after time. Something in your past set you up for this pattern and the only surefire way to break it is to find out more about where it came from.

    You are holding onto hurt.
    Maybe it’s in the form of grudges or perhaps people you can’t stand, even ones you hate. It can be simply waiting for an apology or any acknowledgment that what that person did to you was wrong. The problem is that energy like that is poison to your loving heart. Not only does it give all your power away to someone else or what they did, but it pulls in more of the same experiences because energy attracts like energy. The way to release yourself from that is to visit the source of the hurt, see it clearly, forgive, and let go.

    You’ve allowed your experiences to define who you are.
    This is particularly sticky if it stems from something you’ve done to harm someone else. When you’ve done a selfish, mean, or lazy thing, you might fold that into your identity. Instead of it being just an incident, now YOU are selfish, mean, or lazy. If you’ve got judge-y words about yourself bouncing around that little head of yours, they didn’t materialize out of nothing. They were born from an experience and a glance back can be the thing that liberates you from those negative definitions. Even being told you are strong can be a heavy weight to bear when you don’t feel like being strong.

    You’ve picked up limiting beliefs.
    If you hear yourself say “I can’t” or “I’ll never,” it’s very likely you’ve got a limiting belief in operation. I can’t quit my job. I’ll never find my soulmate. I can’t tell anyone that. I’ll never lose the weight. Totally normal. Humans have limiting beliefs because our brains are trying to make sense of the world. But they came into existence as a result of our experiences. Once we are able to see the mental process that started in our past and runs our decisions today, we can begin to bust through those limitations.

    You are isolating yourself based on a story.
    It’s in our nature to revise the past. We do it to protect ourselves. Sometimes we edit something that happened to make it so much worse so that we’ll never put ourselves in that kind of danger again. That isolates us from other people as we avoid anything even remotely similar or it isolates us from ourselves as we reject a piece of who we are as too terrible. Other times we change the story so that the real facts don’t hurt quite so bad and we don’t have to feel that pain when we land on a memory. Most of the time, we are just trying to feel worthy and good enough but lies and falsehoods take an enormous amount of energy to protect and keep us from living an authentic life. Freedom comes from standing nakedly in front of the real story in our past and accepting ourselves entirely.

    The past might feel like a scary place but so many people are living a life that is falling short of what they want in their hearts and in relationships that don’t come even close to what they deserve. As scary as that look backward may seem, the real bleakness is what won’t be realized if you don’t take the plunge.
    No fooling, a new 21-Day Heart Cleanse starts April 1! You can find more course details and registration information here.

    Let's connect! You can find me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. If you'd like to sign up for my biweekly newsletter, The Love List, scroll to the bottom of the page. 

    On November 13th, 2018 by Stacy

    The Truth Beyond Your Comfort Zone

    Posted In:
    blog | Growth

    You know how they say that growth happens outside your comfort zone?
    I think that’s only kinda true. Let’s break it down.

    I think there are three zones.

    1. Comfort Zone
    2. Uncomfortable Zone
    3. Discomfort Zone

    The comfort zone is nice and safe.
    It’s familiar and warm in there. Nothing ever changes in this cozy little existence. Including you.

    Then there is the uncomfortable zone.
    This is when you step outside what feels safe and now it feels unfamiliar and a little disorienting. You don’t know all the answers. You can’t predict what’s going to happen. You’re not certain of the outcomes. But you’re not in pain.

    When it hurts, you are in the discomfort zone.
    Whether you’ve put yourself there or you’ve been dropped to your knees there by some outside force, you’re not just uncomfortable. You are in pain.

    Of the three zones, the uncomfortable situations are a brilliant place for growth. Personal growth can’t happen in a stagnant environment like the comfort zone. But if you are mindful and self-aware, growth is almost a guarantee in the uncomfortable zone. But not so much in the discomfort zone. Will you eventually grow once you’ve survived the pain? Maybe, but there is no guarantee. Hurt can derail the strongest person.

    It’s kind of like working out.
    When you’ve pushed your body too far and you have that next day soreness, that’s happy pain, right? It hurts so good. It’s a little physical reminder that you are stretching yourself and making gains. But then there are the times when you push yourself too far or are not careful enough and you actually injure yourself. That pain sucks. It knocks you right off your path, because now you have to stop everything to heal first. You might still learn from it but skipping it altogether would have been the preferred option. That’s the discomfort zone.

    So how do we end up there?
    Sometimes a major loss or huge life change throws us there through no control of our own.
    Other times, we’ve ignored the small signs of stress and we end up with something like a stress fracture, a break that comes from too much repeated strain. Maybe we’ve stepped into the uncomfortable zone but we’ve done it in too many different places in our life.

    The uncomfortable zone is a little scary but still has some excitement and motivation to it. It’s like going into a haunted house. Frightening but also fun and definitely worth doing. When you are in the uncomfortable zone, you are confident that you’ll grow in a positive way from the experiences. When you are in the discomfort zone, you are just hoping you will survive it and still be okay. One of the side effects of a trip to the discomfort zone is that it usually sends you running back to the comfort zone and discourages you from leaving that safe place.

    The trick is to find the sweet spot, isn’t it?
    You’ve got to be really careful to monitor your emotions and energy so that you know when you’ve taken one step too far…knowing that line between excitement and anxiety or busy and overwhelmed. But you also have to know if you haven’t taken a step far enough which might show up as boredom, distraction, or monotony.

    I’ll leave you with this visual…
    Comfort zone = eyes glazed over
    Uncomfortable zone = eyes wide open
    Discomfort zone = eyes squeezed shut

    There is nothing quite as delicious as living a life with your eyes wide open. Make sure you figure out the sweet spot for you and how to make that happen, my friend.

    Hey, let's connect! I'd love to hear from you. You can find me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. If you'd like to sign up for my biweekly newsletter, The Love List, scroll to the bottom of the page.

    On May 29th, 2018 by Stacy

    Four Stages of Religious Departure

    Posted In:
    blog | Growth

    I was raised Catholic but do not consider myself Catholic anymore. Leaving my religion has been a lifetime process and one that has been both challenging and liberating.

    When you are raised in a religion to the extent I was, it almost becomes woven into your DNA. It’s a part of you. It’s like an additional family member. You might not like it, but there it is. Even when you leave, it feels nearly impossible to completely cut it out of your life. You might not participate anymore, but you can still feel how it affects your beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and actions today.

    In looking back across my life, I now realize that I went through four stages of religious departure.

    Stage 1: Freedom
    People are enthusiastic participants in their church because it is adding value to their lives. For those of us who ultimately leave a church, we feel a sense of liberation because it was limiting us in some way. Sometimes we don’t even know how confined we are until we make the decision to walk away. That feeling of freedom to be who you are without limitation felt empowering. It felt like I was standing up for myself and walking away from a toxic relationship. I thought I was going to march right out of there and never look back. I was severing all ties forever. I was rejecting the church and everything to do with it as I reclaimed myself.

    But that didn’t last, because I was more connected than I thought.

    Stage 2: Anger
    Then, I got mad. I got mad for all of the ways the church made me feel wrong and bad. I got mad for all of the ways it made other people feel that way. I was angry at the people I loved who subjected me to it. I was hurt that they exposed me to beliefs that made me feel ashamed. I was disgusted that people I wanted to respect even believed the teachings I so disagreed with. I was mad at the church for twisting the words of Jesus. I was angry for what felt like being lied to my whole life.

    So, THAT is a rather unhappy stage. And truthfully, I sometimes feel the disgust creep back in. I have a much easier time letting other religions go about their business, but Catholicism? I can be quick to criticize them, like that family member you will always be connected to. When it contributed so much to who you are, it’s not always easy to detach from it completely. The real irony is that I’m usually irritated at how judgmental I find the Catholic church. Look who is judging now, eh?

    Stage 3: Integration
    Eventually, I softened and ended up wanting to find some way I could still be a Catholic. In fact, I would say that I cycled through these first three stages twice. I ended up seeking integration when I was getting married and just ended up back at stage 1. Then, when one of my children decided he wanted to be baptized, I found myself again seeking integration. It surprised me at the time that I still had that desire, but it’s just so familiar. When you can pretty much recite the mass in your head and you know the songs and prayers, being there in the pew feels a little bit like being home.

    Until it doesn’t. I would find myself constantly thrown up against a belief that I knew wasn’t mine. I was too often trying to swallow it down but it made me feel like a fraud. I felt like a liar saying the prayers and vows aloud (and now a liar in front of my son). That just launched me back into the way I felt sitting in church as a kid feeling like such an outsider, because I didn’t believe the things the group I was surrounded by believed. I felt alone and like I didn’t belong, not accepted and loved.

    And so I walked away again but this time it was different.

    Stage 4: Intersection
    I finally ended up seeking intersection. By this time, I had a very clear idea of my own spirituality. In fact, I was grateful for my cycles back through the Catholic church because they helped me find out what I do and don’t believe (that and lots of work seeking my spiritual truth elsewhere). But I still have Catholicism as a part of me. Rejecting the whole church doesn’t feel right anymore. What I am always looking for now are the ways the things I believe align with those old beliefs. Yes, many of them do not. That is okay. But many do and that feels like home… accepting and loving the ways we are similar and accepting and loving the ways that we are different, too.

    All of the other stages made me feel the separation between me and Catholicism. In each, I was distancing myself or feeling distanced because I was focusing on our differences. Finding how we are the same is what really feels like coming home. And that is pretty important, because so many people I love feel at home within the Catholic church. I don’t want to feel separated from them. I don’t want to separate myself from them. I know the place for us to all feel accepted and loved within our belief systems. That place is where we are connected. It is our sameness. It is our shared belief in love.

    Hey, let's connect! I'd love to hear from you. You can find me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. If you'd like to sign up for my weekly newsletter, The Love List, scroll to the bottom of the page.

    On April 3rd, 2018 by Stacy

    Ho’oponopono

    Posted In:
    blog | Growth

    We’re going to screw up.
    We just are. We’ve got certain standards we want to live up to and when we fall short, it hurts. We can try our best not to judge ourselves but we will. And then judge ourselves for judging ourselves! It’s okay. We’re human.

    You are going to have those moments when you feel bad about something you’ve done (or not done). You feel guilty. Guilt is simply an indicator that you have disappointed yourself.

    Maybe you feel it in your chest or the pit of your stomach. Maybe your brain goes on a negative self-talk loop. Maybe you become highly emotional or perhaps you withdraw. Whatever your personal brand of self-judgement looks like, you find yourself stuck in it.

    You can stay there. Over time, the ego will tell a story about it to ease your pain or bury it down and pretend like it didn’t happen. But that toxic energy remains within you and it's not healthy. It can make you physically, emotionally, or mentally sick. And spiritually, it douses your light. We need a way to release ourselves from that.

    Enter self-forgiveness.
    Not long ago, I was in the midst of a huge spiritual shake-up. I was chest deep in the work of forgiving myself and healing my heart so that I could love more fully.

    I wasn’t really sure how to approach it, so I asked a brilliant friend and coach for advice. She shared with me a Hawaiian practice of forgiveness called Ho’oponopono. There are four steps and each is important for a different reason.

    1. Apology… I’m sorry.

    Acknowledging what you have done is not so easy. So many people walk around with the inability to admit when they’ve done something wrong. And it isn’t that they are all evolved and don’t see it as a “mistake”. It is just too painful for their fragile self-worth to face their mistakes. But it IS important. You are releasing some of that energy in the confession alone.

    2. Forgiveness… I forgive you.

    This is the big goal, right? This is the way we fully release ourselves.

    3. Gratitude… I thank you.

    When we say thank you for the experience, we are giving it meaning and purpose. That makes all of the difference in the world. It turns that mistake into an opportunity to grow in some way.

    4. Love… I love you.

    Our spirit lies apart from our actions. We need to constantly connect with it and give ourselves the love we deserve. Our actions do not define us. They do not have any influence on our worthiness. It’s important to remind ourselves of that with these simple and powerful words.

    I adopted this practice immediately to help me through my spiritual turmoil, and I still use it all the time. I have to, because I screw up. I’m human. And when I do, I want to release myself from guilt and judgement because I have made a commitment to love. Self-judgment, self-rejection, and neglecting forgiveness create blocks and make it harder for love to flow. So, I place my hands on my heart and gently say…

    I am sorry.
    I forgive you.
    I thank you.
    I love you.

     

    Hey, let's connect! I'd love to hear from you. You can find me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.  And if you'd like to sign up for my weekly newsletter, Love Even Though, scroll to the bottom of the page.

    On March 6th, 2018 by Stacy

    When a Door Closes...

    Posted In:
    blog | Growth

    Sometimes we want something so badly that we think about it all the time. We visualize it and dream about it, but it just doesn’t come. In fact, it almost feels like things are getting worse.

    Here’s what I believe is going on. It starts with us. We set an intention that is strong enough that forces begin to move in our favor. Sometimes the first thing to be set in motion is the closing of the door on whatever is in conflict with that intention.

    That can actually be painful. It might mean a loss, like a relationship or experience abruptly ending. Even if it wasn’t aligned with our intention and had maybe been something that was hurting us, that loss can still be hard. It is always easier to disconnect from a challenging situation when a better option shows up.

    But the universe is wiser than us and knows that there is a very good chance we might pick the familiar even if the choice of something better is put before us. So it shuts the door and leaves us in the dark first. It might hurt, but it is a good sign that our intention was a strong one.

    And then sometimes, we have to wait. In his book, Barking to the Choir, Gregory Boyle talks about the hallway between when God closes a door and opens another one. He calls it a grace period. Although it can definitely feel like that, I think it is more of a self-imposed waiting room.

    I’m inclined to believe that the next door is already open. In fact, I believe there are probably several doors open in response to our intention. The problem is that we are not ready to see them. Even though we had our dream that became our intention, we were not necessarily ready to receive yet.

    It feels like we are peering out into the dark and there isn’t a single light on the horizon, but what is really going on is that there is light coming from an infinite number of directions. It’s just that we’ve got blinders on and can only see the ones that correspond with what we believe we are worthy of.

    The hallway or the grace period is the time it takes for us to believe that the dream IS possible for us. We have to know that we are truly worthy of our intention in order for us to see all of the doors opening before us.

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the very first thing necessary. That is to accept the closing of one door so another can open. Whether that was the end of an actual reality or even just the hope of one, it feels like a loss. In the midst of loss, it can be almost impossible to see how what we were holding onto was keeping us from what we truly wanted. When we are attached to a circumstance or relationship, we may not want to see how it is standing in the way of our dream. Especially when love is involved. But the more quickly we can begin to enumerate the ways that the loss contains opportunities, the sooner that the other doors leading to our intention can come into focus.

    It’s not an easy thing to wipe our eyes and begin to look down the hallway. Too often, we get stuck standing outside the closed door mourning for what is on the other side. People can spend months, years, even a lifetime doing that.

    If we do start to look around, it may seem that there is nothing there. Just a long dark hallway with no possibilities, no open doorways. That is just us still believing that we are only capable of being the person we were behind that already closed door. If we find ourselves there in the dark, we can at least comfort ourselves knowing that our intention mobilized something. If it hadn’t, that first door would never have closed.

    So the question becomes, what is it going to take for me to believe I am the person worthy of my dream? And if I just can’t believe it yet, then what do I need to do to become that person?

    What we sometimes do is blame the universe or God for not answering our request, for keeping our desires from us, for withholding our dreams. Talk about miscommunication! I imagine divine energy standing there arms crossed tapping her toes saying, “Really, Stacy? You think I’M the one keeping you from your intention?”

    But once we make that shift towards believing in our worthiness, then the doorways that are already open will start to illuminate. Perhaps you’ll only see one or maybe you’ll see several paths, what matters is that you can now see them.

    Be careful here. You might embark on something that feels like a completely new possibility but if the same old you heads through that door, your wish cannot come true. Your dream cannot be fulfilled. It’s basically like taking a doorway to the same old path you were on before.

    And how will you know which opportunity is the right one? Well, you can always test what lies before you against your intention. Are you my dream? Are YOU my dream? Trust your heart. It will answer.

    On January 23rd, 2018 by Stacy

    My Intention for 2018

    Posted In:
    blog | Growth

    My 2018 word is TRUST.  It’s the word I am using this year to guide and inform my actions.  I chose it because I am always striving to open myself to more love.  When we trust, we are able to open ourselves.  When we open ourselves, we create a channel for love to flow in and out.

     

    The thing is that trust is a multi-faceted and pretty complex concept.  Because of that, I’ve chosen to start by focusing on a couple of specific areas.

     

    Trusting myself

    I want to trust myself a little more AND a little less.  Here’s what I mean.  When I am new to something or unsure about something, I tend to look outside myself for answers.  I am quick to choose the first “expert” who crosses my path and follow them.  That works when I am tuned into my intuition and the avenue I’ve chosen is a truly inspired one (the love-based path).  But it doesn’t work when I let the unknown cause me to feel urgency and lead me down a road I realize later was not a good fit (fear-based path).

     

    The trust piece for me is to stay in the unknown for as long as it takes to gain access to my intuition.

     

    Trusting others

    I tend to trust others quickly and easily.  But not all partnerships, projects, and paths are the best thing for me.  Sometimes I go all in too fast and get burned later.  Again, it is about staying in the unknown until I feel inspired by a particular course of action (the love-based path).  I like that I always lead with trust.  I want to keep that.  What I hope to strengthen is my ability to discern what is best for me before I choose.

     

    I also want to get a little bit better at course corrections. When I look back at the experiences I have had, I can see that I get plenty of indicators that what I’ve trusted doesn’t ultimately align with my best interests.  It has taken me a little too long to accept that I need to stop and find a better fit.  I’d like to trust those indicators, my intuition, and get there faster.

     

    Trusting the universe

    I like to pretend I’m in charge.  Plus, I’m a problem-solver and I love to work things out.  Those can be strengths, for sure.  However, they can also get in the way of a lot of wonderful options when I’m too busy strong-arming the “how”.  I’m a go-go now-now kind of girl.  My impatience has landed me in less than desirable situations when I have shoved an agenda forward in the interest of efficiency.

     

    Sure, sometimes it works out great, but… Sometimes I find myself struggling and pushing and trying too hard because I am working against the universe and against the flow.  I want to strengthen my ability to trust the “how” of the universe.  No matter how long that takes.  Which also means I may sometimes have to give up “my” timeline for achieving goals.  Not always an easy task for a girl like me.

     

    But I’m ready for the challenge.  I’m ready to trust.

     

    We’ve all got trust issues.  That’s pretty normal.  And those issues come in all shapes and sizes.  But TRUST can be the key to unlocking the flow of love, so working with it is well worth our time and energy.

    On December 6th, 2017 by Stacy

    Knowing When it's Time to Move the Fence

    Posted In:
    Growth | vlog

    (more…)

    On October 4th, 2017 by Stacy

    If you are having trouble getting started, try this...

    Posted In:
    blog | Growth

    If you have something you want to change right now and you cannot believe that you are STILL no farther along in this area, this blog is for you.
    I’m sure you’ve heard that the easy solution is to break it down into smaller pieces and just take baby steps.  So easy, right?  Then why don’t we do that?  Sometimes once we’ve broken a goal into baby steps, the first step seems so small that it doesn’t feel like it’s going to make even the slightest dent in the project.  So instead of taking that little itty bitty action that might eventually get us to our goal, we do nothing.  Why on earth do we feel like the only options are to make big broad sweeping changes or to do nothing at all?  Being an all-or-nothing kind of girl, I am totally guilty of this.
    But I am also a coach, so I’m going to argue for the baby step.  Here is why.  First of all, if you do nothing, what happens?  A week goes by.  Then a month.  Even a year.  And we find ourselves in the exact same place we started.  No healthier, richer, happier, more successful, etc… 
    And it’s not just about the wasted time.  We lose something more crucial than time, something that affects us at the very core of our being.  We lose confidence in ourselves.  We let ourselves down and that, my friends, is a self-worth killer.
    The second reason I’m advocating for a baby step is that it helps you gain momentum.  As you begin to bring your decaying self-worth back from the brink, you start to feel like you can take on more baby steps or even bigger steps, maybe leaps!  
    Let’s make this even easier by using a switch-up.  Instead of subtracting something from your life or adding something to your life, use a replacement strategy.  
    When we try to give things up, we feel all kinds of lack when we would normally be doing that behavior.  We’re either biting our nails to get through it or just plain feeling sorry for ourselves.  That can be enough to get us off track.  
    When we try to add things to our day, we can feel overwhelmed.  We stress about how there is absolutely no way we have time to put anything else on our plate.  That can easily derail us, too.
    Replacement behaviors lessen those feelings of lacking or being overwhelmed.
    Let’s say your goal is to give up your frivolous spending.  Instead of thinking you’ve got to immediately put yourself on a strict budget in every area of your life, a small step would be to eliminate your coffee house habit.  A replacement step is to treat yourself instead to a short brisk walk.  
    Let’s say your big goal is to lose 100 pounds.  Instead of thinking you’ve got to give up sugar in every single form, a small step would be to give up dessert in the evening.  A replacement step is to have a bowl of frozen cut-up fruit.
    Maybe you have a huge purging project you want to tackle.  Instead of thinking you’ve got to find a free weekend to clean out the entire garage, a small step would be to tackle one shelf.  A replacement step is to take 10 minutes away from technology time (social media, farm frenzy, news, whatever) and allot those 10 minutes for that shelf.   
    Sometimes once we get going, we get inspired to go crazy and take it all on.  A word of caution here…if you’ve had success in the past going full throttle, maybe it’ll be fine.  However, it is also possible that you will burn out, ditch all of the good behaviors you’ve put in place, and give up entirely.  One green juice a day felt so good, that I’m going to replace ALL of my meals with green juice!  That is, until the rigidity of it all catches up to me and I toss in the towel.  I just want to chew something!  Can you tell Ms. All-or-Nothing has experience with this?  Moderation really is the key. 
    Here is a bonus.  You can also use replacement behaviors to shift your life towards a more powerful and fulfilling one in small ways every day. Trade out one Netflix show a day for a chapter from a personal development book.  Spend the first 10 minutes of your morning in quiet meditation instead of checking email.  Switch out one of your working lunches for a social lunch with colleagues or a friend.
    One switch out can get you started, keeping at it can inspire you to make another one down the road, and then maybe another one.  Before you know it, another year will have passed.  This time, you will no longer be standing in place.  Hopefully, you’ll be a little healthier, richer, happier, more successful…but definitely, you’ll have breathed life back into your confidence and self-worth.  And that, my friends, is the most important success of all.  
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