mm

How to save your relationship

On April 4th, 2018

Posted In:
Connection | vlog

Today’s video is about three very brave steps to take when you are trying to save a relationship.

Let’s talk about courage and these three steps that we sometimes need to take when we sense that our relationship is in trouble. And how do we know? Sometimes you can just feel it. You can feel that something is wrong and the something that is wrong is related to you. Sometimes you know exactly what it is that you’ve done. They’re upset. You’ve hurt somebody. That’s the kind of scenario I want to talk about today.

I want to tell you what I have done in my life in this situation. I have had some beautiful friendships with amazing people who I have hurt in some way. I’ve known that, but my fear of making mistakes was so paralyzing and intimately connected with my sense of worthiness that I absolutely could not ask them what was wrong. And so I didn’t. To be fair, they didn’t tell me what was wrong but regardless, I have to own my part. What happened is the distance would grow between us and ultimately we would drift apart and then those friendships just went away. They went away and are not in my life anymore. Largely, I accept ownership of that for not having the courage to ask the question, “What’s wrong?”

I was so afraid to hear that I had hurt them and that was going to shoot to my core belief of being unworthy. This is how friendships go away. This is how marriages dissolve. This is how loved ones, siblings, and parents/children become estranged. All because people don’t have the courage to ask, “What’s wrong?” And it’s always about us why we won’t ask that question. That’s the first step.

The second step is to have the courage to own it, to take ownership of that thing that we’ve done and our egos are going to kick and scream against that. We are going to want to justify and rationalize and blame someone else. Anything to not feel unworthy because of what we’ve done. Your fear may not be about making mistakes. It might be about something else. But if your fear is completely connected to your sense of unworthiness (and fear always is) and that causes you to not act and not be brave and not do these things, then it’s worth thinking about.

So the second step is owning it and realizing that I did that. I accept that I did that. That doesn’t mean it is who I am but I did do it.

The last one is to apologize. I sucked at that for a long time. We don’t do this well often. We’ve spoken about this before, but an apology is just, “I’m sorry that I did that thing that hurt you.” That’s it. There is no why you did it and rationalizing it and all of that stuff that makes it okay. It makes us feel better but the message is that it is okay that we did it and it’s just going to take away the apology. So, the last step is saying I’m sorry.

The courage to ask, “What’s wrong?”
The courage to take ownership if it’s yours.
The courage to apologize.

This is how we keep the loving connections in our lives. This is what relationships are about.People get hurt but it doesn’t have to be over because of one hurt. They can weather that. They can move on.

That’s something that you can do immediately if you’ve got a situation in your life where a relationship needs to be addressed because there is something wrong. Especially if it’s you and you know you’ve done something.

But let’s talk about the end game and the bigger goal. The bigger goal is to try to get at the fear. What is going on? What is it that is preventing me from being able to ask somebody, “What is wrong?”

I would encourage to join our next 21-Day Heart Cleanse, because that is exactly what we’re doing. We are going back to the places where these fears of being unworthy were born and we’re taking those experiences that are the traumas from our life and we are turning them into strengths. We are turning them into things we are grateful for and things that we can bring forward in a positive way so that the next time this happens in our relationship, we do not have to be afraid to say, “What is wrong?” That work is how you find more self-love and it is how you begin to love other people more and how you have the result of bringing more love into your life. So I encourage to do that with us. We would absolutely love to have you.

I am grateful that you are here watching this. Please share, especially if you know someone who could benefit from this. You could be the one to bring them this message today.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Recent Posts

  • Categories

  • Get your Love List

    packed with all the resources my team and I have pulled together to bring LOVE front and center in our lives.

    CONTACT ME

  • © 2017 S Rock Coaching

    Legal & Policies | Privacy | Refunds