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My Vulnerability Project…my ugly side

On August 28th, 2017

Posted In:
Self-Mastery | vlog

Hey, it’s Stacy Rocklein and this is My Vulnerability Project.

I want to talk today about what I call “default characteristics” or “default behaviors”.  I’ve got some that I’m really not proud of.  I’ve got some pretty ugly ones.  They’re “default” because those are the things that show up when I’m not mindful, when my energy isn’t where I want it to be, when I’m not being aware of my actions.  These things will creep in.

It’s easy to feel really bad about them and really hate yourself.  And to wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep because you think, “I can’t believe I said that” or “I can’t believe I did that.”

And they are different for everybody.  You could be someone who loses their temper or somebody who gets jealous of other people.  Or somebody who just becomes lazy.  Or lies.  Or is mean.  There are so many different kinds of behaviors and ways of acting out, basically in response to fear.  And we all have our own little special combination of our go-to “default behaviors”.

We can look at them as something to hate about ourselves, or we can look at them as a gift and an opportunity.  They are a gift, because we have them on purpose.  We have them, because we are supposed to be learning from them.  We are supposed to be learning through them.  In that way, they become these great red flags that say, “Hello, something is off here.”

This is how it plays out for me.  Like I said, I’ve got plenty.  One is a lack of compassion.  I can feel when I start to have a little bit of a suck-it-up attitude that I don’t have compassion engaged (which means probably I’ve got some fear engaged instead).  So when I start to look around and think things like, “Shut up.  Come on.  You can do it.  Knock it off.  Quit being a baby.  Quit whining.”  When that starts to come up, that means I don’t have my compassion engaged.

Another one is that I can become very opinionated.  That means I’ve got my gavel in my hand and I am full-on judging.  So Stacy-with-the-strong-opinions can come out.  And then in the middle of the night I think, “Why?!  Why?”

But again, it is how you look at it.  It’s a chance to, first of all, realize that you are a little bit off.  Something is going on.  What is it?  Why is your energy “off”?  Why is fear engaged?  Why is your ego running the show?  So, it tells you that.  And it’s a chance to grow.  I want to move past those “default behaviors”.

So I invite you today to take a minute and to quickly make a short list of yours.  You’ll know what they are.  So the next time they show up, you can see them as a chance to practice.  It’s a chance to grow through them, instead of rip yourself apart for indulging them.  So that’s the invitation for the day and a little bit of me.  I hope you have a great day.  Bye.

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