Hey it’s Stacy Rocklein, and this is My Vulnerability Project.

So last night I got to do something that was super fun but was also a little bittersweet.

Years ago I used to go to a lot of Grateful Dead concerts.  Last night, my husband and I went to a live Grateful Dead show that was playing on a movie theater screen.

It was so cool to basically get transported back in time to a version of Stacy that I hadn’t totally felt in a long time.  To remember what it was like to feel that carefree.  I was so open.  I was probably twenty-years-old.  I just had this unwavering belief, 100% faith, that kindness was everywhere and that people were essentially love.  I wasn’t vulnerable at all at that point, because I wasn’t afraid.  I wasn’t scared at all.  I had this total faith that no matter what happened, I would be okay.  Nothing could hurt me.

I had this sense of connection to the people around me.  Especially at a Grateful Dead show, because everybody is there for the same reason, the same music.  It’s a very special crowd, and there is a lot of love in it.

The vulnerable part is the little bit of sadness in remembering a version of myself that I really wish I still had a grasp of.  I wish that she could strip away the guards that I’ve put up over the years and the fears I have in place that keep me from all the time feeling that 100% faith in love and people and anything.

We all have that capacity inside us.  I just got to remember that there was a time in my life when I just lived that all the time.  Now, to get to that is scary and vulnerable.  Because I have to strip down a lifetime of being hardened and hurt to get back to letting that girl out.  And I want to.  I want to live that way and live that feeling.

I don’t know if that’s an experience other people have had too, where you remember back to a time when you were living everything that you believe deep in your heart.  There wasn’t a separation.  Your ego wasn’t in your way of just letting that be.

So, it was super cool.  And a little sad today to think of what a big job it feels like to capture that girl and bring her back out for the world.

Much love to you today.  Bye.