Hey it’s Stacy Rocklein, and this is My Vulnerability Project.
So last night I got to do something that was super fun but was also a little bittersweet.
Years ago I used to go to a lot of Grateful Dead concerts. Last night, my husband and I went to a live Grateful Dead show that was playing on a movie theater screen.
It was so cool to basically get transported back in time to a version of Stacy that I hadn’t totally felt in a long time. To remember what it was like to feel that carefree. I was so open. I was probably twenty-years-old. I just had this unwavering belief, 100% faith, that kindness was everywhere and that people were essentially love. I wasn’t vulnerable at all at that point, because I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t scared at all. I had this total faith that no matter what happened, I would be okay. Nothing could hurt me.
I had this sense of connection to the people around me. Especially at a Grateful Dead show, because everybody is there for the same reason, the same music. It’s a very special crowd, and there is a lot of love in it.
The vulnerable part is the little bit of sadness in remembering a version of myself that I really wish I still had a grasp of. I wish that she could strip away the guards that I’ve put up over the years and the fears I have in place that keep me from all the time feeling that 100% faith in love and people and anything.
We all have that capacity inside us. I just got to remember that there was a time in my life when I just lived that all the time. Now, to get to that is scary and vulnerable. Because I have to strip down a lifetime of being hardened and hurt to get back to letting that girl out. And I want to. I want to live that way and live that feeling.
I don’t know if that’s an experience other people have had too, where you remember back to a time when you were living everything that you believe deep in your heart. There wasn’t a separation. Your ego wasn’t in your way of just letting that be.
So, it was super cool. And a little sad today to think of what a big job it feels like to capture that girl and bring her back out for the world.
Much love to you today. Bye.