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One trick to squeeze excitement out of dread

On October 14th, 2019

Posted In:
blog | Mindset

“I can’t wait for this to be over.”

We’ve all had a thought like that when it feels like we’re drowning in the middle of a dark moment in life.

Those thoughts aren’t the actual experience we’re having though. They are what we are thinking about the experience we are having. They’re the evaluation and judgment of our reality. They also determine our emotions. Different factors, variations, and degrees of intensity will have an effect on whether it’s heavy like depression or mildly painful like impatience.

When I was in college, I was really into this guy who didn’t like me nearly as much as I liked him. It sucked and it bummed me out and made me feel not good enough and used and rejected all at once. Here’s what I didn’t know. My greatest love was going to enter my life during that period of time and it would change everything.

What if I knew the universe’s master plan all along and what seemed like a heartbreak was actually clearing the path for the perfect easy relationship to enter my life? All I had to do was wait. All I had to do was trust. What do you think I would have been telling myself then?

“I can’t wait to see what’s coming.”

Simply knowing that things were going to work out in my favor would have changed everything about my experience of the rejection.

We can use this tool right now without knowing the detailed roadmap. All we have to do is believe that life is happening for our benefit and that everything we are experiencing is ultimately going to position us for a happier life with healthy loving relationships. In just believing that, we would know that all of the bumps and bruises along the way are worth it for what’s coming next.

But if that feels like too much of a stretch, try this. Look back at the things that have felt like the end of the world in your past. Pick one that ultimately positioned you to experience something absolutely wonderful in life that wouldn’t have happened without the trauma. Now take that little ember and blow on it and build it up until you have a passionate and powerful belief to replace those dark thoughts with, something like…

Every step of the journey has a purpose.
You see, I needed to have that experience with that other boy because I learned not to devalue myself. I learned that I would never again give to someone without feeling like it was an equal and connected partnership. I couldn’t skip that step or I wouldn’t have been ready for the love of my life.

I’m not saying it won’t hurt. Loss hurts. Grief is painful. Rejection, abandonment, disappointment and all those things are unpleasant experiences. But you have more control than you may think about how you feel going through them.

“I can’t wait for this to be over” feels radically different than “I can’t wait to see what’s coming.” Maybe even something more light-hearted like, “Man, this is going to make a great story someday.”

My question for you is this… next time you’re having a crappy experience, what are you going to tell yourself about what’s happening? Pick something that feels good and make it your mantra.

 

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