In today’s video we’re going to talk about the comparison game. That happens to all of us where we get stuck in situations comparing ourselves to others. But I have an awesome strategy to help fight against that so that you don’t have to experience that even when you go into situations that used to trigger you.
Let’s talk about the comparison game. What’s going on when we do that? It happens all over the place.
It’s because we are feeling insecure. We are not really sure and confident, and so our ego is looking for evidence that we are doing a good job or not doing a good job.
So we walk into this circumstance and the ego thinks…
- Are you on par? Then, okay.
- Are you killing it? Awesome. That makes us feel good because the ego gives us a “good job”.
- Are you looking weak compared to everyone else? Then all of the sudden you’ve got some really yucky feelings that go with that because the ego wants you to feel good and adequate and okay.
- So it’s going to yell at you and tell you you’re a loser, so that you up your game and you don’t let it happen again.
It’s super uncomfortable to be comparing. What is going on is that we are going internal and so we are completely stuck in our heads. We are an island and everyone is out there and we’re up here in our head. And as long as we are in that situation, we can’t connect with other people.
Here’s an example of where this would happen to me. When I would go to networking events like lunches or masterminds, I would start to feel uneasy and anxious. I would know that as soon as I go into that room, I’m going to look at other people and start asking questions. How does my business look compared to theirs? How does my brand, my message, all of that stuff measure up? And based on that, I would decide whether I’m worthy or not.
What I started to do instead is ask this one question before I walked into those situations. I already used this question on a daily basis just in my life, but I hadn’t used it on a situation by situation basis. It had been more of a general question I would ask in the morning. This question I would ask myself is…
How can I love more?
When I go into this situation, how can I love more here? What happens when you ask yourself that question is that instead of being stuck in your head and on your island with your thoughts, suddenly you are turning your focus outward towards other people. Then, you have the ability to connect. And it isn’t, “What can I contribute?” Because sometimes we want to contribute for the recognition and acknowledgement. And it’s not, “How can I help?” Because sometimes we are just looking for ways to feel better because we are helping someone out who is in need.
And who knows the love people are going to need. They might need congratulations and excitement for their success. Maybe they do need someone to lean on and be there for them. It doesn’t matter. You are wide open when you are asking the question, “How can I love more?” Now it is about how we are connected, not how do I measure up.
You can extend this to other parts of your life. How can I love more in this relationship? How can I love more in my business? How can I love myself more?
But we put ourselves in positions all the time, especially because of our cell phones and social media, where there is potential to compare how we’re doing against how other people are doing. That is a connection killer when we get wrapped up in our own ego and our own success and our own worthiness.
But as soon as you are saying “How can I love more?” everything feels different. When you open up Facebook, every bit of good news you see for people is awesome. Or you see people in a time of need and you can reach out to them.
How can I love more is a super simple question and a fantastic strategy for getting out of your head and making connections. Connections are what we all want. We all want more love in our lives. So that’s a question for you to try on and use. Next time you are about to walk into a situation where you know you get triggered and are likely to play the comparison game, pull this out of your pocket and ask yourself, “How can I love more?”