It’s like a crazy party in there and like all great parties, the more the merrier. Who else should we invite?
We are humans. And so, we talk to ourselves. There is a seemingly constant internal chatter. And even though it feels like it never stops, we all know that it can sound very different from moment to moment. In fact, that voice suffers from a severe case of multiple personalities. Let’s explore a few common ones…
The Drill Sergeant is constantly furious with us for being a loser. You idiot! You are so stupid! You don’t deserve to be here! He’s very nasty and hits below the belt every time.
The Mean Girl is always disgusted. She hates you and everybody else. She judges everything with distaste and loathing. Oh. My. God. Look at you! Look at her. So gross.
The Commentator never shuts up. He’s neutral but has to run a narrative about everything. Okay, let’s get some breakfast. We need eggs, salsa…oh yeah, don’t forget to stop by the grocery store, I wonder what I should get for her birthday, and on and on and on.
The Cheerleader is always encouraging us. Come on, you can do it. You’ve got this!
The Worrier is forever stuck in the land of What if. What if it’s not just a headache? What if it’s cancer? What if he is alone forever? What if I lose my job?
Recognize any of these voices? Maybe you have a lot more than just this handful. Maybe you have some really interesting ones. We all do. Like I said, we’re human.
For most people who hope to evolve in this lifetime, one of our greatest lifelong learning experiences is trying to get this crew to quiet down. Yes, lifelong. As in, we’ll be working with them forever. So if we have to live with these yahoos, I’m going to make a crazy suggestion. Let’s add another voice to the chorus.
The voice that loves unconditionally.
I don’t really know of very many people who have perfected that voice. But the question I am always asking is how do we do it? I mean in a practical way. As in, what is a practice or tool we can implement?
I’m going to offer one here.
Think about someone you love very much, like for real, LOVE. How do you greet them when you see them? How do you say goodbye? How do you talk to them, text them, email them? What little pet names do you use with them?
Now, how do you greet yourself in the morning? I am willing to bet the vast majority of us do not. We might say, “Good morning, sunshine” to our child and say nothing at all to ourselves. Maybe it is, “Good night, love. Sleep well” to our spouse, but do we send ourselves into the world of sleep with a happy wish? Even those who have lovely little rituals of gratitude and meditation might skip this beautiful opportunity to express love towards ourselves in a greeting or goodnight.
Let’s call this new personality The Greeter. What if the Greeter always had a “Hi, Sweetie”, a “Love you, Darling”, or blew a kiss every time she caught a glimpse of us in a mirror? Wouldn’t that be an amazing addition to our internal chatter?
Why not see our self-talk as an asset? If it comes with the territory of being human, maybe we can use it to help us on our path of personal growth.
My challenge for all of us striving to love ourselves more is to introduce the Greeter. Greet yourself in the morning with a loving endearment, toss an affectionate comment at yourself when you see that sweet face in the mirror, and send yourself a happy wish as you drift off into the world of dreams.