Hey, it’s Stacy Rocklein and this is My Vulnerability Project. I’m out on my beautiful trail this morning.
The thing is I’m feeling a little bummed this morning. I totally lost my cool last night. That happens sometimes when you’re a parent. And it stinks. Because if you leave me alone all day to interact with strangers, see clients, hang out with my friends, I love that girl. She’s mellow and enthusiastic at the same time. She’s calm and can tap into her higher self.
But that doesn’t always show up in my parenting. Sometimes I get pushed to the edge, and that’s not who I am. It sucks, because there is such a schizophrenic nature to it. This is who I’m capable of being. But also, this is who I’m capable of being.
I’m human, and that’s okay. I can tell myself that and logic myself around that, but it still stings a little bit. Because that’s not who I want to be as a parent. I want to show up for my kids the same way I show up for my clients, my friends, and strangers.
But here’s the thing. I swear that if you bring the freaking Dalai Lama or some other Tibetan monk down into my house where they haven’t had a chance to meditate for four hours that morning day-after-day at dinner time when people are bickering and trying to get their chores done and are sleep-deprived, I don’t know if they’re going to keep their cool either. That’s what I think.
But even the Dalai Lama I’m sure would say the real work is being who you truly are in THOSE moments. You can isolate yourself and you can do a great job if you get to put yourself in situations that are easy. It’s being who you truly want to be when it’s hard and when it’s not running so smoothly.
And it sucks because you lose your cool and then you’re like, “AHH! I lost my cool!” And you know it, so you’re angry at them and you’re angry at yourself. Not proud moments but human moments. Mom moments. I’m sure some of you can relate.
The work…as I try to soothe myself because I’m still feeling bad about it…is to continue to practice especially in those moments. Those are the ones that really count and we grow from, right?
Have a great day.