Hey, it’s Stacy Rocklein and this is My Vulnerability Project. I was thinking about the first time I felt really vulnerable, and it was a very defining moment. It was when I held my first son.
I had loved before, felt love, and knew love. I’d had my heart broken. I thought those were vulnerable moments. But it wasn’t until I held this baby and felt love that was love from the absolute depths of my soul with no guard up that I felt so vulnerable. And so scared that if anything happened to this child, it might break me. I didn’t know if I would be okay after that.
That was the beginning of my parenting experience, and parenting is the ultimate vulnerability project really. So how did I take that forward?
I realized that I have to have that fear all the time. That’s kind of part of the deal here. They grow up and they need to move away from us. They need to become independent. They need to fly.
And that means going to school without us. Walking around the block without us. Riding their bikes without us. Driving a car without us. I recognize that if I wait until I’m comfortable and I’m ready, it’s too late. The right time for them has passed. If I do that, I’m going to end up with three boys living with me or running away from me as soon as they can.
I have to accept that I’m always going to have that vulnerable place where I’m afraid. I fear that something bad will happen to them or our time together will be cut short. That’s a really natural thing to happen to parents. It’s not so much that you have to get rid of it. It’s that you have to live with it. Accept it and still say, “Yes. Go do that even though I’m afraid.”
Vulnerability in parenting. If you’re a parent, you know where I’m coming from big time. That’s something you get to practice with every single day. Just like me.