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Welcoming Guilt

On May 23rd, 2018

Posted In:
Emotions | vlog

Let's talk about guilt, a very unpleasant emotion, not fun to feel. But actually if we can change the way we look at it, it can be an amazing opportunity to learn.

So guilt. None of us enjoy that. And you can usually feel it in your body. You either get nauseous or your chest gets tight or maybe your head gets hot. We all have our way that we can realize that we are experiencing guilt, right? And it feels awful. It means we've done something wrong and we've screwed up and we've made a mistake and it's about something that matters to us.

But guilt is such a cool thing because it points you directly towards growth. It points you directly towards something that's limiting you. So if you feel guilt, then you've got some kind of message in there that's about what you should do or what you're supposed to do or what you shouldn't do and aren't supposed to do.

What are moms supposed to do? What are kids supposed to do? What are spouses supposed to do? How should I be acting if I'm a good girl or how shouldn't I be acting if I'm a good girl? There is a should in there. And your guilt is a response to your failure at that.

Which is awesome. And I'll tell you why. When you see that, stop and ask yourself…"OK, I feel guilt. What am I feeling?” The guilt about what I am supposed to be doing or what I should be doing or shouldn't be doing… When you see that, then you can chase that even further and you can find some limiting beliefs that go with that.

So here's an example. Sometimes I lose my temper and I always, always feel guilty. That is the emotion that comes up for me when I lose my temper and this is what I like to do, partly because it hurts to feel guilt and I want to get out of it, but partly because I want to get to the source so that I don't have continue to feel that guilt. I can start to dig up what's underneath it, so that I can actually grow myself, so that doesn't show up as much, so guilt will then point me to, “You shouldn't be losing your temper.” And when I dig into that a little bit further than it comes down to, "You are supposed to be calm and cool and collected and big emotions are something to avoid because you will not be loved or worthy.”

That's a significant core belief that is a total limit for me. Why? Because what is that gonna cause me to do in my life? That means that when I start to feel big emotions, I'm going to repress them and I'm going to push them down and I am going to shame myself and guilt myself when I can feel them arise. And when they come out? Forget it, then it's a total guilt storm. All because I have that belief in there.

But when I start to work with that belief and I start to change that belief and say that all emotions are welcome in this human experience. Then I get to actually start to be the authentic me and I get to start to accept the authentic me and love me. But as long as I have limiting beliefs like that, then I'm going to reserve love for myself and I'm not going to feel it.

If I'm constantly breaking the rules of the shoulds and shouldn’ts, then that's where the guilt comes from. So what I am suggesting is the next time you feel guilt, instead of getting sick about it and hating yourself for what you've done and dropping into self-loathing, how about you say, “All right, here we have guilt. What an opportunity. Where is guilt taking me?” Follow guilt. What is the should, what is the supposed to or not supposed to? And then, what is underneath there? Because what is underneath there is probably limiting you in your ability to love yourself, your ability to love in your relationships, your ability to love across your life.

Imagine if you've got a limiting belief like you're not going to be loved if you have big emotions. If I go to apply that to the people in my life, what kind of expectations do I have of them now?

I expect them to repress, right? And repressing is not good for any of us. We want to get to love and acceptance for ourselves and for the people in our lives and in all of our relationships, so guilt is wonderful.

You can follow that down to something that's limiting you and start working with that. So that is my recommendation for you. Get excited the next time you feel guilt, and this applies to all emotions. They are a wonderful gift. If you see them that way, that you can follow towards the things that are limiting you because you deserve to feel self love. You deserve to have love in your relationships. You deserve to have love everywhere in your life.

Thank you very much for watching and it's totally because you watch that I continue to make these videos and try to spread this message. And if you know somebody who gets really paralyzed by guilt and suffers that hurt, please share with them and perhaps this will allow them to just make a little bit of a shift in thinking so that they can welcome it into their lives.

 

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