I have two conflicting beliefs about love. One comes from my heart.
I am worthy of love, no matter what.
No matter what happens. No matter what I do, how I fail, who I hurt, what evidence is showing up, I am worthy of love. No. Matter. What. It sounds obvious, of course. You might even be nodding your head in agreement as you read this. Yeah! I believe that too, Stacy. But here is the problem. I also have a belief about love that comes from my ego.
I am worthy of love, as long as…
I know which one is true with a capital T. Truth is that I have been worthy of love each and every time someone has kept it from me or taken it from me. Love is our natural state and when it is not given to us, it is only because that person can’t be in their natural state. It’s not about us. It never is. Love is not something to be earned. It is our right.
But it’s in my human nature to constantly doubt it. When someone takes their love away or never gives it to us to begin with, we begin to wonder if we really are worthy. You might even end up with an ego belief like mine. I am worthy of love as long as … As long as all of the evidence shows that people are approving of me and acknowledging me. As long as I am doing all of the things the ego decides I need to do to get the approval, acknowledgment, and love.
The ego-based belief about love is conditional and relies on external validation. Whereas my heart’s belief is unconditional and comes from within. Remember, no matter what. No matter what evidence shows up, I am worthy of love. In fact, it is there within me and all around me as long as I am grounded in that belief.
When my ego-based belief about love is running the show, what happens when I’m not being acknowledged? That reinforces my belief that I am not worthy, because I’ve failed in some way. It causes me to not trust myself. If I’m not feeling the love, the world must know that I’m not worthy of it.
But that’s a bunch of B.S. I know that the heart-based belief is the Truth. So how do I deal with these two opposing beliefs?
It’s like the Cherokee tale of the grandfather who is trying to teach his grandson about hate and love. He tells him that there is a fight between two wolves going on within him. One is the wolf of love, beauty, and truth. The other is the wolf of hate, anger, and deceit. He tells him that it is the same fight that goes on within us all. The grandson thinks about that and asks him which one will win the fight.
He says, “The one you feed.”
For that reason, I work harder than just about anything on constantly pulling myself back to my heart-based love belief. And it is work. I would love to magically wake up one day and realize that other wolf had disappeared. But no. Not yet anyway. So I’m going to keep doing my best not to feed it, even though it keeps begging for food. I’m going to do my best to feed the one that keeps me connected to love.
For more on the ego, click here.